Tuesday, December 17, 2013

I Hate My Co-Teacher

Phung and I
“Would you be my friend if I looked like this?” I ask Phung, my co-teacher, before making a hideous face.

“No.” She responds, looking me dead in the eye.

We both burst out laughing. The whole exchange happened in front a class of 6th graders, who have no idea what’s going on. All they know is that Phung and I are weirdos feeding off each other.   But guess what?  I hate that adorable weirdo.  

So, Phung, this is for you!

You’re the worst! The absolute worst. How dare you be so personable and friendly? The first time you saw me you phoned me and said “I see you!!” Before running over to meet me at the school gates. Just let me be lonely and sad. Stop including me in things

Oh I looked tired? Don’t bring me that delicious iced coffee. Am I a little peckish? Yes I am. But don’t you dare give me those snacks. I don’t need your handouts, your charitable little gremlin.

Way to be on time and prepared for class again! God forbid you miss a class and let me know before hand. Stop helping me prepare materials. Stop supporting me with my strange whims and flights of fancy. Stop being so aggressively supportive of my ideas.

You disgust me with your blunt and upfront manner. Why do you have to be direct and easy to understand? Why can’t you say “yes” when the answer is really “no” like all the other people around here. The worst part about you is when you look to me, and say its time. You turn me into a shade throwing monster. I don’t want to throw shade! Let the students run amuck! Why do you let me make stern, knowing faces while you lecture them. Just pick up the switch and hit them like the others!

And don’t even get me started on the jokes. Stop telling them. I hate laughter and smiles. I hate it when you say random things that are ridiculous just to get a response from me. Like when you chugged a large coffee, turned to me, said “I’m a coffee ghost,” then wiggled like a ghost. You’re an obnoxiously cute human being.

Phung, you're too freaking adorable and kind; that's why I hate you.  ; ) Winky face!  

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