Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Ewww, Pattaya.

This past weekend I was in Pattaya for a school competition. Pattaya is pretty much renown for it’s overall sleaziness and general level of gross. Imagine Las Vegas and Atlantic City had an ill advised hookup that resulted in pregnancy. The resulting child then got with Reno, Laughlin, and Tijuana. That resulting love child with unknown parentage would be Pattaya. It’s pretty gross.

While I was there judging a national debate competition I was absolutely surrounded by speedo clad Russians enjoying their vacation with debauchery and general weirdness. This got me thinking *cough cough judging cough*.

Some random (and very bratty) thoughts/impressions based on my weekend in Pattaya:
  1. When is it ok to walk through a hotel lobby in a speedo!? 
  2. No a mesh dress over your bikini is not appropriate. 
  3. I don’t think you can wear that outside of the pool. (Are you detecting a pattern here?) 
  4. Why is your child still awake? It’s 10pm and the hookers are coming. 
  5. All of the women in this elevator are hookers. 
  6. Really? You think I’m willing to pay 200 baht for that? It’s 30 where I live. 
  7. No I don’t speak Russian. 
  8. Could you please make the process of getting a pool towel more complicated. (Sign in at the front desk, receive card, wait in line, give card to pool clerk, sign in, receive pool towel, enjoy towel, wait in line, turn back in the towel, sign out, argue with the pool clerk because she didn’t see you turn in the towel.) 
  9. Isn’t it great that all these students were brought here? 
  10. I can speak Thai. 
  11. 120 Bath for fried noodles!? 30 baht!! 
  12. Nope still don’t speak Russian. 
  13. I love how you’re yelling in the hall way at 3am. 
  14. How is this room so cold? 
  15. Why does our room smell so weird? 
  16. It’s amazing how much nicer the hotel staff are when you speak to them kindly, not demand things loudly in Russian. 
  17. Sir, please never wear that speedo ever again. Some of us value our eyesight. 
  18. Obviously I don’t understand what you said. Considering that I was just speaking English/Thai. Russian isn’t going to get you anywhere. 
  19. Nope, speaking louder/ getting angry isn’t going to get me to press the right button for your floor. 
  20. Thank goodness I’m heading back to site!


  1. Hey Joel, just wanted to check in. I see you've been making friends with the Russians. How nice!

    Love you, can't wait to see you again, someday. Hopefully you don't abandon us to go spend more time with your Russian friends.

    1. Hey Elisabeth, love and miss you too! I hope you're doing well! xo

  2. LOL!! Love this. But um, were 5, 6 and 7 all the same interaction?... *just curious*